I Am Not Myself These Days

Josh Kilmer-Purcell's memoir chronicles his double life in 1990s New York City as an advertising art director by day and drag queen by night. His performances as Aqua, a hard-partying queen with goldfish swimming in her clear plastic breasts, lead him through the city's vibrant club scene. The narrative follows his relationship with a high-end male escort named Jack, exploring their intense connection amid substance abuse and professional pressures. Their story captures the excesses and instabilities of nightlife culture in pre-millennium Manhattan. Kilmer-Purcell details the physical and emotional toll of maintaining dual identities while navigating addiction, love, and self-discovery. His account includes raw depictions of the preparation rituals, performances, and aftermath of his drag appearances. The memoir examines questions of identity, authenticity, and the masks people wear - both literal and metaphorical. Through his experiences in drag and advertising, Kilmer-Purcell reveals the complexities of self-presentation and the search for genuine connection.

Readers describe the memoir as raw, honest and darkly humorous, with many appreciating Kilmer-Purcell's unflinching portrayal of his time as a drag queen in 1990s New York City. What readers liked: - The balance of humor and heartbreak - Vivid descriptions of NYC club culture - The author's candid voice and self-awareness What readers disliked: - Graphic content and heavy drug use - Repetitive party/drinking scenes - Some found the relationship dynamics frustrating From reviews: "Like watching a train wreck in slow motion - you know it's going to end badly but you can't look away" - Goodreads reviewer "His writing style pulls you in immediately" - Amazon reviewer "Too much wallowing in debauchery" - Barnes & Noble reviewer Ratings: Goodreads: 3.9/5 (15,000+ ratings) Amazon: 4.4/5 (450+ ratings) Barnes & Noble: 4/5 (50+ ratings)

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🌟 Josh Kilmer-Purcell performed as a drag queen named Aqua (short for Aquadisiac) while working as an advertising art director by day during the 1990s NYC club scene. 💫 The author's drag persona wore clear plastic breasts filled with live goldfish as part of the costume - a detail that features prominently in both the book's narrative and its cover design. ✨ The memoir chronicles Kilmer-Purcell's relationship with a high-end male escort named Jack, who struggled with crack addiction during their time together. 🌙 After leaving his drag queen life behind, Kilmer-Purcell went on to become a successful reality TV star with his partner on "The Fabulous Beekman Boys," showcasing their life as farmers and entrepreneurs. ⭐ The book's raw honesty about addiction, relationships, and New York's underground club culture earned it recognition as a Lambda Literary Award finalist for memoir/autobiography.